Summary

Jenni Schaefer was a victim of an eating disorder for a very long period of her life. Luckily, with the help of her family and support group, she was strong enough to turn herself around. She wrote the book Life Without Ed to explain her life experiences and battles, and to help others work their way to a healthier, happier lifestyle. Each chapter in the book explains different obstacles and rough times she went through, and how she got through them all.
Meeting Thom Rutledge, a psychotherapist and author, she learned how to treat her eating disorder as a relationship, not a condition. This meant that she would have to separate her personality from Ed’s (eating disorder) and finally break free from the abusive relationship she was in for most of her life. In this novel there are many different exercises that can help any individual with this same problem make progress in their recovery.
When Jenni was first suffering from this disorder, a typical conversation between her and Ed would involve him tormenting her and telling her she is fat, or not good enough. She, of course, would agree with him and do whatever it is that he said she should do, be it bingeing, purging, or starving. Once Jenni could finally detach her thoughts and values from Ed, it became much easier for her to make her own opinion and follow through with her own values. With the help of Thom, other psychologists, and the supportive people in her group, her conversations started to change. Ed would say the same things but she would disagree with him and live by her own values, the way all people should.
It was definitely not an easy task for Jenni to separate herself from Ed. One exercise Jenni did in group helped her learn how to make the split. She had to put on a Darth Vader mask and talk as if she was her eating disorder. She explains how, for the first time, she actually realized the difference between her speaking and Ed speaking.
“I just don’t think I will ever be able to let go of Ed. I think I am the only one who won’t succeed at recovery.” Jenni once said this to all the other people in her group. With hard work, dedication, and help she has finally cut herself free from Ed’s grip. She even wrote a declaration of independence signed by her fellow group members. Now, she has been appointed to the Ambassador Council of the National Eating Disorder Association. She appears on national radio and television to raise awareness about eating disorders and the long road to recovery.
So many young girls and women suffer from this disorder, and the number isn’t getting any smaller as the years roll on. Jenni Schaefer believes that if she could fight through it, then anyone can as long as they have he right attitude, commitment, and also the help of others.

The Scale

Back in fourth grade, Jenni was weighed by the school nurse along with all her friends. Her one friend went up first and weighed 76 lbs. Jenni was then called, and she too weighed 76 lbs. She was very confused because between her and her friend, she always though she was the bigger one. Once the scale showed her that she wasn't bigger, the scale and her became best friends. Now, with Ed in her life, everytime she would step on the scale, Ed would throw in his thoughts. If he liked the number on the scale he congratulated Jenni, but if the number was too large for his expectations, he would put her down and that's when behaviors would arise. Eventually, on the road to recovery, Jenni stopped using the scale. Weighing out the pros and cons of doing so, the pros weighed much more. I can relate to this because while in rehab, my parents hi the scales in our house so i would never know my weight. Everyday we were weighed at Alexian, but we were never allowed to see what the number was.

Overboard

Susan decided it was time for Jenni to get rid of her meal plan and start intuitive eating. Now, instead of a piece of paper telling you what to eat, you must listen to your body and be able to give it everything it needs. For that week, before she went to visit Susan again, Ed kept popping in to rescue but Jenni just kept refusing. She explained to Susan the following week that she couldn't keep refusing Ed. Susan explained to her that she didn't mean for Jenni to forget about her food plan totally, she just wanted her to be able to add body signals into it. Once Jenni realized that she could do this, she pushed Ed out for a while and didn't let him bother her.

Holidays

"Americans like to eat. And we use every holiday as an excuse to just do that." In this chapter, Jenni explains the struggle with holidays because of how much food is usually involved. She believes that each holiday gets better for her with each passing year. According to Jenni, regardless of any temptations you may have, or no matter how stressed the holiday season may get you, you must still stick to your recovery plan and make it through thee rough period of time. Instead of fighting with yourself about whether you can eat a piece of cake or not, just follow the nutritionist's guidelines and eat what you think your body needs. Cake isn't always bad for you, as long as you eat it in moderation.

Food Plan

One day when Jenni met up with her dietician, the dietician handed her a piece of paper with her meal plan on it. Susan, the dietician, could see that as Jenni was looking at the plan, she started to get really nervous and worked up. Susan told her to just rip it up and throw it away. Jenni was to a point in her recovery where she knew what she needed to eat everyday and she knew that that paper, along with Ms. Perfectionist, could cause a relapse in her recovery. She explains how your food plan should follow your personal nutrition needs and also your personality. Now, even though she threw her food plan away, she still carries it with her in her mind and she knows exactly what she needs to eat to keep her healthy.

True Value System

For an entire week Jenni was eating right and going to her sessions. Although one day, she got caught under the pressure of Ed to binge and purge. S Ed and Ms. Perfectionist wanted her to lie to everyone about what had happened and about how she is doing. "Ed wanted me to lie to everyone who is closest to me." Luckily, by this point, Jenni had realized that her values and Ed's values were different. She realized that just because Ed thought is was okay to lie to her parents and friends, didn't mean that it was okay for Jenni to do so. Under Ed's value system, it allows Jenni to be arrogant and rude to everyone. She also would lie, cheat and steal under Ed's influence because at one point she had no control, she did exactly what Ed would tell her to do. Now, because she is finally living by her values and expectations, she is at more peace with herself. No more living in a contradiction.

Enlist Support

"If you were battling cancer, would you try to do it alone? Would you refuse to see a doctor, convinced that you could save yourself?" I like this quote because, as Jenni says, an eating disorder is a life threatening illness which shows that she also should have a support team and help from others. When she first started her eating disorder, the last thing she had was a support team because she felt like she was a burden on everyone and she didn't want their help. She was to embarrassed and ashamed to even think to ask for it. When she got to the point where she felt like Ed was taking control of her life, she finally worked up the courage to tell somebody. She started by confiding in her boyfriend and then her parents. Eventually, after being in different groups and seeing different physicians, Jenni finally had a big support team which helped her get through her disease without being alone.

Ms. Perfectionist

In this chapter, Jenni explains how she also had to deal with Ms. Perfectionist, along with Ed. Ms. Perfectionist wouldn't allow her to go out to a party because she binged that day, which meant she didn't deserve it. Over time she found herself agreeing with these thought, but she would go and do it anyway. And with a lot of hard work, she finally could stand up and say that Ms. P was wrong. Although she made progress, she still hears her put in her two cents.

Disagree and Disobey

Jenni realized that as you start to separate the thoughts of you and your eating disorder, it's easier for you to create and listen to your own opinion. This is when she had to start disagreeing and disobeying Ed. Personally knowing that this is a hard thing to do, I understand why she says that it's okay if you don't disagree immediately. It's a procedure and there's steps that you have to get through. She says that the best thing to do is just disobey Ed because disagreeing won't stop him from taunting.

Making The Split

In this chapter, Jenni talks about group and how everyone seemed to be moving forward. In group one time she was to put on a Darth Vader mask and talk as if she was her eating disorder. In my group, we once had to sit facing an empty chair and talk to our eating disorder, then we'd switch chairs and roles. Connection! In this chapter, it's showing how she had to learn to make a split between her thoughts and Ed's thoughts.

Declaration of Independence

Jenni, for her whole life, has been a victim of an eating disorder. Bingeing, purging, and starving; everyday shee would try and change things but by the end of the night Ed (eating disorder) would always win. Finally, she wrote a declaration of independence from Ed and it now hangs on the wall of her room signed by the members in her group.